Before I Leave

Yes Corrin, before I leave. 

I tendered my resignation the Friday before last. I can't wait for my last day to come. 

There are many things happening in the office that I have not told anybody. Nor will I ever. You just don't talk about things you do wrong.

But I guess this way, it is so much easier for everybody. 

And, through this incident, I experienced the amazing grace of the ever-faithful God once again. I had absolutely no right to turn to Him after what I did, but He still helped me through :)

I guess... it's His way of telling me that He is always faithful even when we are unfaithful.

Lunar Got Me

Something has been in my office's air since 1 Nov. A few of my colleagues have been down with flu ever since our company outing. But I didn't catch anything despite having the sick birds sitting just next to me.

However, when I was in Lunar Bar last Saturday night I started sneezing. By the time we left the place, I was having a sore throat, which didn't bother me much as my friends also had sore throats from shouting to be heard over the extremely loud music in the bar.

Then I went karaoke on Sunday afternoon with my sister and cousins. At 5pm I took a 2 songs long nap. I was so lethargic and I was lugging around my huge bag filled with 3 days of clothings and church paraphernalia.

When I reached home that night I felt like I was emanating heat.

So I finally got my wish. 

我还在寻找 一个依靠 一个拥抱
谁替我祈祷 替我烦恼

TMX Day Out

My first and last TMX outing I think.


We have had Girl Night Outs before this: we went to Kbox, Mind Cafe or dinner. But as the name suggests, those were limited to the girls which frankly speaking, includes almost everybody in the office except for Herman at one point of time.


The turnout for this official TMX outing was great. Everybody came with their other half and kids in tow. There was lots of food including Jestin's prata, Cyn's non-halal beehoon and Viv's chix wings.



We had originally intended to go to Sentosa for a picnic and I was so looking forward to the sun and the vball, but it had to rain heavily up till around 10am. Thankfully Zann managed to book the function room at Nerdy's condo.



I had plenty fun regardless, playing Taboo, Dai Dee, and Phase 10.


I think half the fun in this outing was planning it. Hopefully I'll get a chance to go to Sentosa with them at least once before I leave.



And hopefully we will have another Mind Cafe or Kbox outing before I leave.

The Brain Wiring Test

Total score if you are a woman: 230 points


Most males will score between 0-180 point and most females 150-300.

Brains which are 'wired' for mainly masculine thinking usually score below 150. The closer to 0 they are, the more masculine they are, and the higher their testosterone level is likely to be.
These people demonstrate strong logical, analytical and verbal skills and tend to be disciplined and well-organised. The closer to 0 they score, the better they are at projecting costs and planning outcomes for statistical data, with their emotions hardly influencing them at all.
Scores in the minus range are high masculine scores. These scores show that large amounts of testosterone were present in the early stages of the fostal development.

The lower the score for a woman, the more likely she will be to have lesbian tendencies. Brains that are wired for mainly feminine thinking will score higher than 180. The higher the number, the more feminine the brain is, and the more likely the person is to demonstrate significant creative artistic and musical talents. They will make more of their decisions on intuition or gut feelings, and are good at recognising problems using minimal data. They are also good at solving problems using creativity and insight.

The higher is the score above 180 for a man, the greater the chance he will be gay.
Males who score below 0 and women who score above 300 have brains that are wired so oppositely that the only thing they are likely to have in common is that they live on the same planet!

The overlap
Scores between 150-180 show compatibility of thought for both sexes, or a foot in both sexaul camps.

These people do not show a bias for either male or female thinking and usually demonstrate a flexibility in thinking that can be a significant advantage to any group who are going through a problem-solving process.

They have the predisposition to make friends with both men and women.

Dreamy Idealist (DI)

Dreamy Idealists are very cautious and therefore often appear shy and reserved to others. They share their rich emotional life and their passionate convictions with very few people. But one would be very much mistaken to judge them to be cool and reserved. They have a pronounced inner system of values and clear, honourable principles for which they are willing to sacrifice a great deal. Joan of Arc or Sir Galahad would have been good examples of this personality type. Dreamy Idealists are always at great pains to improve the world. They can be very considerate towards others and do a lot to support them and stand up for them. They are interested in their fellow beings, attentive and generous towards them. Once their enthusiasm for an issue or person is aroused, they can become tireless fighters.

For Dreamy Idealists, practical things are not really so important. They only busy themselves with mundane everyday demands when absolutely necessary. They tend to live according to the motto “the genius controls the chaos” - which is normally the case so that they often have a very successful academic career. They are less interested in details; they prefer to look at something as a whole. This means that they still have a good overview even when things start to become hectic. However, as a result, it can occasionally happen that Dreamy Idealists overlook something important. As they are very peace-loving, they tend not to openly show their dissatisfaction or annoyance but to bottle it up. Assertiveness is not one of their strong points; they hate conflicts and competition. Dreamy Idealists prefer to motivate others with their amicable and enthusiastic nature. Whoever has them as superior will never have to complain about not being given enough praise.

As at work, Dreamy Idealists are helpful and loyal friends and partners, persons of integrity. Obligations are absolutely sacred to them. The feelings of others are important to them and they love making other people happy. They are satisfied with just a small circle of friends; their need for social contact is not very marked as they also need a lot of time to themselves. Superfluous small talk is not their thing. If one wishes to be friends with them or have a relationship with them, one would have to share their world of thought and be willing to participate in profound discussions. If you manage that you will be rewarded with an exceptionally intensive, rich partnership. Due to their high demands on themselves and others, this personality type tends however to sometimes overload the relationship with romantic and idealistic ideas to such an extent that the partner feels overtaxed or inferior. Dreamy Idealists do not fall in love head over heels but when they do fall in love they want this to be a great, eternal love.


*Accurate sometimes. I never thought I'd describe myself as dreamy though...

For yours, please go to http://www.ipersonic.com/test.html

Frustrated with myself

I now totally understand why kids misbehave to attract attention. And I'm just so frustrated with myself for having thoughts like that! It's so stupid.

I also cannot stand myself because of something else. I just feel so lousy and useless when it comes to YA. Even after 2 years, I still feel that I have not learnt anything, nor made any improvements, and worse, made any impact on YA. I would love to blame it on work and thus the lack of time, but I cannot escape the fact that it is just me. The lack of 'burden' for this ministry, my laziness, my forgetfulness, and most importantly, my relationship with God. I do believe that He can make use of us when we think we are not, but I seriously do not see it happening to me. 

Then again, it may be because I have been too self-centered. 

The Motorshow was a disappointment. SO glad I did not pay to get in. Many of the luxury and big brands weren't there. 

Today was Korice's last day in TMX. I'm going to miss her.. After so many comings and goings in the company, I'm sort of immune to all of it already. Since I joined SIM in 2007, I have seen at least 13 ppl leave the company, some for a better job, others for reasons too complicated to tell. It's going to be my turn soon. I wonder what I will feel then. 

A contradiction

I just did a personality test on facebook. It was FULL of contradictions. :/

And I think I like belong to the erm, minority group?

Openness - 51%

This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer novelty versus convention. Approximately 5.5% of respondents have a lower openness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is down-to-earth and prefers things to be simple and straightforwards. You might say that it just makes life easier if things don't change unnecessarily, that the arts are of no practical use to you, and that you think tradition is more important than others do.

Conscientiousness - 40%

This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer an organised, or a flexible, approach in life. Approximately 11.5% of respondents have a lower conscientiousness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is impulsive and whimsical, and fine with it! From your responses it appears that you would say that sometimes decisions need to be made quickly, and that you make them quicker than most! You would say you are zany, colourful, and just generally great fun to be with... as long as someone isn't relying on you to get some work done.

Extraversion - 31%

This trait refers to the extent to which you enjoy company, and seek excitement and stimulation. Approximately 5.5% of respondents have a lower extraversion raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is quiet and somewhat withdrawn. Your answers describe you as someone who doesn't need lots of other people around to have fun, and can sometimes find that people are tiring.

Agreeableness - 51%

This trait refers to the way you express your opinions and manage relationships. Approximately 21% of respondents have a lower agreeableness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who people can find difficult to get along with when you first meet, as you can be suspicious of their motives. Your responses suggest that over time though people warm to you, and you to them, although that doesn't stop you telling them "how it is".

Neuroticism - 41%

This trait refers to the way you cope with, and respond to, life's demands. Approximately 46% of respondents have a lower neuroticism raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is generally calm. Based on your responses, you come across as someone who can feel emotional or stressed out by some experiences, however your feelings tend to be warranted by the situation.

Then..

Jungian Typology Estimate

ISTJ

Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging

ISTJs thrive on organisation. They keep their lives and environments well-regulated. They bring painstaking attention to detail in their work and will not rest until satisfied with a job well done. ISTJs are faithful, logical, organized, sensible, and earnest traditionalists. They earn success by thoroughness and dependability. Shutting out distractions, they take a practical, logical approach to their endeavors. Realistic and responsible, they work steadily toward their goals. They enjoy creating order in both their professional and personal lives. ISTJs are persons of thoughts and (sometimes) emotions. They prefer dealing with the present and factual, using various options to make decisions.

Happys

I'm feeling quite happy now. I just found out that the iPod touch is going about $100 cheaper! Yay!

I lost my wallet 2 Sundays ago. :( 

But, surprisingly, I did not feel really sad. Just sort of irritated with the person who took my wallet and DID NOT bother sending back my IC, and with having to take the trouble to go down to ICA to make my IC.

Just signed up for Facebook. Kinda stuck on it now, it being a novelty and all that. 

Confused

I'm in a serious state of confusion now.

I'm going crazy trying to figure out the direction to go in for my further studies. AAAHHHH!!!!

Fishes in the Sea

My office has a water feature with a few fishes living in it. Those fishes are the most timid fishes I have ever seen. They "fee-eew" off to hide when they see somebody looking at them. Once I decided to feed them. I purposely waited silently after pouring the food in to see if they will come out for the food. So after a while, I saw them shooting out of their hiding place one by one to grab the food, then shooting back to the hiding place immediately like some kind of covert op.

 

God's grace

I have something that I must share!!

It is now 12.33 AM Friday morning. I'm on leave today cos I'm going to KL with my relatives for the weekend. I wanted to send out an work email at about 11.40PM from home. But when I logged in, I saw an email from a magazine chasing for an ad! *horror* I'm at home, my laptop is in the office, my thumbdrive is new meaning I don't have the working file for the ad with me, AND my com is new so I don't have the software I need in my com! How bad can this get? Plus, the ad is for an August/September issue. It is already 8 August. 

Anyhow, I replied to the email, while scrambling to download the necessary softwares and find the raw visual for the ad so that I can do the ad. 

Then, the lady replied and told me to send her the ad by next Tuesday. I really have nothing to say. His grace is really, astounding. I was even contemplating getting my father to drive me to the office when he comes back from work later so that I can use the laptop I left there. 

Time and time again He just renders me helpless and shows me that He is aware of everything around me and wakes me up from my apathy. :)

My day

Long ago photos from my 21st birthday party in May below..

I guess the only thing that went wrong that day was the popiah filling. It went bad. So we executed Plan B and got out a 2nd batch with the help of my aunts. So the 2nd batch was like very chunky cos the vege were cut in a hurry.

Anyways, was kinda disappointed that a lot of my colleagues couldn't make it. But it's alright, because my house was bursting at the seams with YA. They seriously filled up my entire living room. And because they were busy watching Transformers, didn't even got to talk to them proper.

ANYWAYS, I love my pressies! I really did get some surprises like Koricey's, Corrin's, Calvin's and Zann's and Cheng and gang's. Thanks all of you! :)

Feel old though. 

I just took my first MC for this year. Woke up with a swollen left eye in this mrng, gave myself a small shock. 

I've been busy every night making something for my colleague's wedding present, so I haven't had the time to update the blog. 

There.. basically isn't much going on in my life. I do have things happening, but I don't feel like talking about them. I also have thoughts and feelings I would to blog about, but they make me a little sad, so I'd rather not.

I've been back a few weeks from church camp but haven't had to chance to blog properly about it. Don't have all the photos with me yet also. 

We just started on this Caring Evangelism course in church, and we were doing this exercise that got me thinking. 

We were to list down the 5 most impt things in our lives besides God. After which we have to cancel them out one by one according to their importance until there is only one left. That item has the highest possibility of being a false god in my life.

But I got stuck when I had to choose between church and friends. Actually, I got stuck at item number 5. I had no idea what to put down. That's a little sad isn't it? 

Anyways, I'll be back with photos from my birthday and the camp soon. Catch you then.

Church Camp!

I'm leaving for church camp tmr! 

The word "camp" is kinda misleading, I know. We're just going to a resort in JB for a retreat. Camp just sounds more, for the lack of a better word, personal than retreat.

I'm really excited about this one 'cos almost all the youths are going! Except for BK n Julia :(

Hopefully we won't be so tired this time round.

I'll be back with photos! :)

Just wanted to say that I'm really excited abt church camp. :D

The iMac has landed

We finally replaced our old PC with the iMac yesterday. It is really really very cool. Apple really wins hands down in terms of aesthetics. I have not used the Mac yet, so I can't say anything about its contents, but just simply the look of it is enough. Everything is so streamlined from the computer itself to the keyboard.

I had thought the question I did not dare voice out was quite "sua-gu". But later I found out that it wasn't. And yes, the monitor is all there is to the entire iMac, excluding the keyboard and mouse of course. The hard disk, processor, speaker, and web camera are all built in the monitor itself. How cool is that?

My sister is thinking of having a "open iMac" day. I told her the idea's kinda crazy. But just let me know if you want to come and experience my iMac. :P I have yet to see if it is better than the MacBook.

Something is wrong with me. I feel so un-excited about things nowadays. It's like I haven't recovered from ADEX/BA and there is a distance between me and the rest of the world. Or even worse, like there is an invisible barrier around my heart and mind and the things that are happening are not getting to me.


I just feel like taking a few days off, go to a nice resort all by myself, and spend all day and night reading, lazing around, and order room service. I'm sure I won't die of loneliness.


What's bothering me most is that I'm feeling this huge reluctancy to do things related to church. I'm fine with outings and all that; it's the responsibilities part I'm having trouble with. The worst is that I can't get myself to pray to Him. Not in corporate prayer, nor group or personal. I feel so distant to the extent that I'm reading a novel every night when I read my customary chapter for the day.


Today was Amy's last day at TMX. I hate separation, but it always comes around.


Work is piling up again.

This job has really shown me my many weaknesses. For the lack of better words, it has been a humbling experience.


I just finished reading Mercy by Jodi Picoult. Her books are controversial and this one talks about euthanasia, or mercy killing. As the story unfolds, I get the feeling that the story is not about mercy killing, but more on mercy itself. Or to make the difference clearer, forgiveness. In the book, the 2 main characters, husband and wife, are not the ones in the mercy killing, though they are very involved. The wife loves the husband more - 70/30. The husband is first attracted, then falls in love with the wife's new assistant.

I have this tendency of getting too involved with the books I read. I sometimes forget they are fiction and start to judge the things they do as if I were reading of it from a newspaper. As I read the book, I kept shaking my head in disapproval at the choices the husband made, and the things that were going through his head. What I most disliked was how he comforted himself at the end when the mistress left and he decided to stay with his wife.

But, I just love how the wife gathered all his possessions and sold them in a garage sale after she found out.

Then my mind started wondering. if my husband ever has an affair with another woman, and worse, falls for her, will I forgive him and continue ours lives like before knowing well that he loves somebody else?

They're over, but it still goes on

The shows are finally over. Yesterday was the last day of BA08. But I still feel kinda surreal about the past 2 or 3 weeks; just cannot believe that the two events are over and that the days of working from 9am to 11pm or later are over.

Now that I finally have a life, I need to start planning for my 21st birthday celebration next month, come up with my wishlist (:P), and pack up/continue decorating my room.

The celebration should be on 18 May (Sunday) from 2pm onwards, at my house. Will be cutting the cake at about 4pm. Everybody's invited! Space is limited at my very humble abode though.

As for my wishlist..... please see below :)

1. iPod Touch
2. Bagsssss
3. Jack Johnson Albums
4. Anything pretty and frivolous that you think I will like
5. Accessories
6. Basically anything you think I'd like


I hope this is good enough. :P

Busy busy!

Alrights, I have officially not blogged for 1 month and 3 days since I last blogged. Mmm, record? I think so.

The thing is, something is wrong with my blog now. I can't see my entries on the blog itself.

Nothing spectacular happened/happening to me, only that I return home all tired from work that I'm too lazy to use the computer. So people rarely see me online at night nowadays.

But work has been good! I think I'm the only who thinks so though. :(

I know Mummy has been dreading work ever since Herman started holding her responsible for the sales. And now Koricey is feeling too stressed as well. Thus my nick on MSN. Koricey asked me about it this mrng, but I didn't know how to explain to her.

I'm either too dense or too happy. A little of both, I'm thinking. But I thank God I like what I'm doing, and my colleagues are great. Stress is inevitable, especially since we're in events; but all's well. :)

I can't say the same for my spiritual life though. It's at an aaaallllllllll-time low. Perhaps it is time to re-align my priorities?

AND, I've finally bought a camera!! I bought this:

Yay! After wanting one for like 5yrs? I finally bought one. Congratulations to me.

I also need to learn to watch my expenses. Big news. *bleah*